When we left Dr. Wong's office on Saturday morning with the bad news that I need to go in for the glucose tolerance test to screen for gestational diabetes- it ruined my day. Normally, going to Dr. Wong means opportunities to see Baby Lee and I'm always so excited. Even though this screening that I failed does not mean I have gestational diabetes, it is daunting to even think of having an unhealthy pregnancy.
I was just in a horrible mood the entire day and I was so mad that I failed the glucose screening test. I obsessively researched the screening test when we got home and found out that most doctors have the cut off at 140, but Dr. Wong likes to play it safe and have the cut off at 135. This piece of information should make me feel better but it did not. I thought I was angry because I couldn't eat whatever I want anymore. I thought I was angry because I craved sweets and I can't even have all the fruits I wanted. And I thought I was angry because I simply didn't like failing anything.
When we got to the restaurant that night for Mother's Day dinner, I was grumpy and irritated. I was complaining about how many people there were and I was just not happy. When my mama finally arrived, I tried to pretend nothing was wrong, but as soon as she asked about the doctor's appointment, my face just dropped and I told her that I may have diabetes (even though I planned on not mentioning it to her). It was at that moment I realized why I was in such a horrible mood. It was not because of all the possible food restrictions and inconveniences. I was just scared. I was scared that I will have an unhealthy baby. I was scared that I already caused harm to this baby. I was scared that the diabetes won't go away even after the delivery. I know all these scenarios are unlikely but I couldn't help it but to be scared. But my mama knew how to comfort me. She reassured me that everything will be okay and she started naming the people she knew that had gestational diabetes and delivered healthy babies. She just knew what to say to calm my nerve and make me feel at ease.
I felt much better after the dinner and I am soo thankful for my mama :)
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